Rhapsodys notes on live

The Laramie Project

2009-10-09T02:24:06Z

I finally watched the Laramie project, I feel like a bad homosexual and member of the theater community for not seeing it sooner. I know that everyone says there moved by it, but I feel more moved then I expected. I guess what this all is getting at is Monday marks 10 years since the tragic death of Matthew Sheppard, and the writers of the play have gone back to Laramie and wrote more, talked to people again and have created an “epilogue” focusing on the long reaching effects of Matthews death. On Monday October 12, 2009 in 100 theaters across the country, at least one in every state of the union at 8:00 eastern time they’re going to premier the new show. The theater at my school is one of these. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, and I think that if you live in the area of one of these productions you shouldn’t either. Now I’m off to go and try not to be depressed about humanity.

The project: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/04/theater/04theater.html

I know i shouldnt be whineing

2009-09-10T15:56:59Z

So I know I really shouldn’t be whining, everything should be all happy and healthy, there’s a him again, I’m an us, at least I guess, but then why am I not overjoyed, is it ‘cause I have yet to meet him in the flesh. And why do I only think like this when he’s not around to squash the worry. Paul says I shouldn’t be so worried, it’s a boyfriend not a husband, and I know that. He’s beautiful, if not my ideal physical that some of the other men in my life are, but then again nether was Paul. I could fall in love with him, so then what is my problem. He seems like every thing I wished and called for, a midsummer night’s dream. But if he is then why am I so torn? He’s sweet, kind, and magickal. Ah there is the Magick, how devoted he is, how strong his path is, its beautiful in his devotion to the craft of the wise, but… also almost scary, but then again giving oneself over to anything completely scares me, the lack of control that is employed in given oneself over to faith in the whole. But I have called people my boyfriend who where far more unworthy of the title. I really wish I could see the world like Paul does, with the feeling of nothing is wrong, the lack of fear for what the future brings, I just wish I had a sign I was doing the right thing, the thing best for my destiny, my soul. But on the other hand, why should I worry the world ebbs and flows, the time moves. This could be my chance, an opportunity for another great love, but is it worth the risk of the pain? Could I hold together through another great hurt? I’m held together with tape and string, the plasters are still fresh. If only I knew what to do. Well there’s not much to be done for it now. I guess I just have to see how the die falls.

Life alas

2009-08-31T01:09:40Z

I know I really shouldn’t complain about it when it is mostly my fault that the situation is what it is. But I’m beginning to feel like I grew up to fast. I’m only 19 but it still feels like I never do any thing, like nothing ever happens to me, I sit at home, its like since the random party’s stopped my life got really dull. Class stars Thursday so that might help get to know people and all that jazz. But that still leaves me with out being able to drive, and thus with no easy way to meet with my friends. The shot of it is I guess I’d have to learn to drive, even though I don’t want to because, just as a whole I really don’t like driving, but alas, what can I do but move on with life.

-Rhaps

I remember love

2009-06-23T19:04:54Z

I remember love, I truly do and in spite of what it may sound like I long for it. I felt the love leave us when it did, I knew it had, and I hated it, hated feeling the spark leave as much as I longed to keep it the fire esquenshed itself, and there is nothing I can nor could do. I still love you , I think I always will, just its hard to say how I love you. I know if you ever left, if you weren’t there it would kill me, eat me alive form the inside out. Yet still I push you away every day more. But I also know that it wouldn’t kill me to see you any more with some one else. I want you happy and I know I could never do that. What I really fear is that you were my only chance, my only hope of happiness, that you would be the only man to ever fight for me. The only man who could deal with my pain. The only man who would see me as more then a pretty face and want to stay, the only man who loves me when the glamour fades. The only man who could really love me. Because The way my search seems to be going its starting to really look that way and it scares me to no end. Because I know I have to power to clame the heart of any I desire, but I fear you are the only heart that ever desired me for me not for my power. And don’t know what to do about it. I’m still hurting and I cant make it stop, no the pain is not as bad as it once was but there bad like a raw wound that refuses to scar over, no mater what medicine you try. I want to run away. Back to the beginning, back to stolen stoplight kisses and Chinese in the park, and being held when things got bad. Leavening when I need to. I just miss you so much so very very much. I’m so sorry for all I did to you and I still love you, I always will, so please don’t leave me.

No more forevers

2009-05-18T14:27:16Z

No more forevers, I am tired of forevers it just hurts so much. I hate forever it just ends up killing me with the pain, or at least making me wish it would kill me for the pain of it. I hate the hurting the horrible pain that wont seem to leave. Is there noting to leaven it ? nothing to make it go away. Why can I not find something to ease the heart ache. Not charm, nor spell, nor potion can I seem to find to even dull the pain, and for the love of gods I hate it. I mean what am I to do when the man I planed my forever with doesn’t want it anymore, what am I to do when the only forever I can see is still his, still with him. The worst part is I want him back, but… ah I donno I don’t know anything any more and I hate it.

i need some happy

2009-05-16T00:04:07Z

I need some happy, I really do, some happy would be really good right now something that could make me smile, something to ease the upset that keeps crawling into me. I have a crush on the Big Bad Wolf ya know, and things are rocky with my lynx. I fear I’m only intrersted in Mr. big-bad because I’m lost and hurting, trying to be more then just his boyfriend and so I’m latching onto the frist person that’s found me acctrative. This wouldn’t be the frist time something like this has happened in my life and It hurts to be so lost all the time to keep trying and failing to be more when I’m let myself be defined by one thing for almost a full year now, and it’s a bit scary. Especaly when you look at it , I have nothing of my own any more, in all honesty, despite the assurense of the contray its true
I don’t know what to do
God i'm tired of having to say that...

rhapsody032590 @ 2009-05-10T16:28:00

2009-05-10T20:31:41Z

I has a poem, go me first poem in a long time
follow the lj cut
Seek me where the waters meet
Where Sky and sea are one
Where the gods of old hold no sway
And where a power even older holds key
Seek me where my voice doth sound
Close to world’s edge.
Come and seek me,
There you shall find
There at the end of time
The key to all you seek.
The secrets to your destiny.
Seek me where all waters meet,
Find me there and you will see
All that the world could be.

rhapsody032590 @ 2009-04-20T13:22:00

2009-04-20T17:22:17Z

The rain is falling; it’s your rain, your pain. You always did have that effect on the world around you. When you’re hurting, the world responds and hurts with you. The sky weeps for you. All for you. If only there was something I could do. I would fight your demons if you would only let me. But you wont and I accept that just I wish I could help. Do more then the damned sky. But you won’t let me in. so I’m left here, standing in your rain. Weeping with the sky for your pain.

Life changing

2009-04-15T23:36:22Z

So today I got to go to a Q&A sessions with two of my favorite Broadway idols. Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin, they're doing a benefit concert for the Wayne state theater department. It currently ranks with New York as being one of my most life changing experiences of my life. I know they didn’t mean it personally but they really added a lot of guidance to me that I had been seeking.

That’s all for now, maybe more latter

A new plocy

2009-04-07T23:28:35Z

so form here on out i'm going to try to up date a little more so here it starts

You know how when your read a good book, the kind you cant bring your self to set down, you start to glow, so clearly lost in your own world with the book that its impossible to be aware of what’s going on around you. Its remarkable, and only a fellow reader can truly understand the feeling. The magick that is found in that different world you are living in for those brief moments. Its things like the wonder of being able to lose yourself to the novel that make me wonder how anyone could not love to read a good novel. A good book can do so much more then any movie of t.v. Show, not that t.v. And film are with out there uses and proposes, they all have a use, and can take you away for the world, just none so completely as a truly splendid novel. I live for being trapped in a book, I love nothing more then being trapped in a story that is beyond me and my life, something that makes happy, or even sad, just something out side myself that makes me feel in a life were feeling is so hard for me to come by. My empathy died and sadly so did my emotions. Well not completely I just tend to shut down around other people. Ah well time to read.

-Rhaps
.

bitch fest

2009-04-06T02:10:31Z

I don’t know what to do anymore, why the hell am I so incapable at handling change. Honestly, its ridiculous.
Don’t let any one tell you different, I love theater, and acting, being some one else. And being an artiest. But I’m really starting to think I’m not made for the criticism, I’ve thought I could, I honestly did, back in senior year I thought I did. Then I graduate, then I go to new York, come back as pumped as ever to go and be a fucken actor, but then…then came Joey, the start of my decent into failyer, I felt lost and left. Happy but at the same time incredibly unhappy. Then he left me, left me with a broken heart and a life bond, and I wasn’t strong enough to take it and the pain of it killed me. Then I wake up the next day and I am emotionally left were I was when I was still running. Now I’m expected to be a complete human being, emotionally mature enough to handle being on my own. To be the boy Paul fell in love with, that’s a felid I cant seem to achieve any more just cant live up to it. And I try to make every one happy and I just fail, how can I make people happy if I don’t even know what would make me happy any more. I love theater but I can’t take it, I love being an artist but I can’t take that, I love literature, but nope not that eater I have no fuckin idea
.

A challenge

2008-08-01T17:06:56Z

My friend Cali called me at mid night last night and posed to me the challenge I now pose to you. A mini end of summer NaNoWrMo (national novel writing month) From august frist until midnight the 31st we must write 25,000 words, this unlike the acual challenge does not have to all be for the same story. Well i'm off to write, good luck to any who take me uo on it.

An anouncement

2008-07-27T23:02:19Z

Hello loyal readers, yes all four of you. So I have an announcement,.... God help us i have discovered a new fandom ::trumpets sound:: it is sky high. You know the movie about the super hero high school. Well I was on Yaoi Gallery today and as always happens when I find fandom i decided to read a fic purely by chance. Now I ship Will/Warren. well that's all I wanted to say. I am off to find the sky high LJ coms i know are out there. Laters.

Quiz

2008-07-16T17:21:05Z

i<table style="color: #000000; border: 1px solid #333333; margin: 5px; margin-left: 35px; padding: 0px; width: 440px;" cellspacing="0"><tr><th style="color: #000000; font: bold 13px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: center; padding: 5px; margin: 0px; border: 1px solid #333333; border-top: none; border-left: none; width: 210px; background: #ffddcc;">Dating Strengths</th><th style="color: #000000; font: bold 13px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: center; padding: 5px; margin: 0px; border: none; border-bottom: 1px solid #333333; width: 210px; background: #ffddcc;">Dating Weaknesses</th></tr><tr><td style="color: #000000; font: 12px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: left; padding: 3px; margin: 0px; border: none; border-right: 1px solid #333333; width: 210px; background: #ffffff; line-height: 20px; vertical-align: top;">1. Adventurousness - 91.7% 2. Flirtiness - 87.5% 3. Varied Interests - 85.7% 4. Open-Mindedness - 72.7% 5. Confidence - 72.2% </td><td style="color: #000000; font: 12px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: left; padding: 3px; margin: 0px; border: none; width: 210px; background: #ffffff; line-height: 20px; vertical-align: top;">1. Arrogance - 62.5% 2. Selfishness - 54.5% 3. Temper - 50% </td></tr></table> 
<table style="color: #000000; border: 1px solid #333333; margin: 5px; margin-left: 35px; padding: 0px; width: 440px;" cellspacing="0"><tr><th style="color: #000000; font: bold 13px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: center; padding: 5px; margin: 0px; border: none; border-bottom: 1px solid #333333; background: #ffddcc; width: 430px;">Dating Strengths Explained</th></tr><tr><td style="color: #000000; font: 12px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: left; padding: 5px; margin: 0px; border: none; background: #ffffff; width: 430px; line-height: 20px;">Adventurousness - You are willing to try new things and be spontaneous. You want to get out there and really live, and you will attract people with a similar love of life. Flirtiness - Flirting is a good way to break the ice, and you are a pro at it. Being flirtatious will open up many dating opportunities. Varied Interests - You don't limit yourself, and that's a dating asset. Your varied interests make you available and interesting to a wider range of guys. Open-Mindedness - You are open to trying new things and entertaining new ideas, and this widens your pool of available guys. Confidence - You are sure of yourself and confident of your abilities. Displays of confidence go a long way when attracting a date. 
</td></tr><tr><th style="color: #000000; font: bold 13px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: center; padding: 5px; margin: 0px; border: 1px solid #333333; border-left: none; border-right: none; background: #ffddcc; width: 430px;">Dating Weaknesses Explained</th></tr><tr><td style="color: #000000; font: 12px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: left; padding: 5px; margin: 0px; border: none; background: #ffffff; width: 430px; line-height: 20px;">Arrogance - You are a bit full of yourself. You need to practice a little humility now and then, as arrogance can be a turn-off. Selfishness - You think too much of yourself and your needs. You must learn to put your partner first and tend to his needs. Temper - You need to work on controlling your temper. Don't let your anger get the best of you. A calm and rational persona is important when dating. 
</td></tr><tr><td style="color: #000000; font: 12px arial, verdana, 'sans serif'; text-align: center; padding: 5px; margin: 0px; border: none; border-top: 1px solid #333333; background: #ffffff; width: 430px; line-height: 20px; background: #ffddcc;"><a href="http://www.datingdiversions.com/dating_sw_quiz.html" target="_top">Dating Strengths and Weaknesses Quiz</a> by <a href="http://www.datingdiversions.com/" target="_top">Dating Diversions</a></td></table>

I happen to like New York

2008-07-06T02:52:58Z

So this is truly a city were dreams come true. I posted that I had fallen in love with spring awakening, and today i saw it. It was appositely the best show ever, and I saw Gypsy with Patty Le Pone and it was fantastic too. After the show I did stage door, and I meet in addition to the actors i made new friends. We were all theater people standing there taking pictors for each other. I'll post pictures latter but for now i''m sleepy.

Second Day in NYC

2008-07-03T03:20:47Z

Ok so we went into Manhattan for a book siging, but we left early for the signing and we went to stone Wall, have pictures.

Thats the statues in the the park accross the street from The Stone Wall Inn

The Stone wall Inn, the sign says "The stone wall inn, Where Pride began"

New York Update

2008-07-02T19:02:02Z

I'm in love. I'm staying in mygrand fathers brownstone in Brooklyn. And so far I've seen Manhattan from the Brooklyn side only but its breath taking. Today so far we went to this amazing market called Fairway that is right on the water in Red Hook. i could live there, i mean that. later we're going to a book signing and then to China Town for dinner. Now i would be loathe if I didn't mention my Grandfathers housemate and "friend" (there are rumors that they are a couple, i have seen noting to dispute it,) Marty, he is hilarious, to give potter fans a quick grasp of him he reminds me immensely of Professor Slughorn. He is incredibly Knowledgeable about theater, it is lovely. I'm learning tones, much love to all of you back home.

Rhapsody

----------------
Now playing: John Barrowman - i happen to like new york
via FoxyTunes

New Writing

2008-06-16T05:29:55Z

So I was clearing out my Documents today and I found this and i thought you might like it.

Fuck you

I move to hold him close, but he shifts his position to block my advance.

“What are you doing?” he shrieks

“Trying to make you feel better, I can do it, but you have to let me touch you”

He did not move to allow me to access to his pain as I had wished him to. I edged forward and he shrunk away.

“Why won’t you let me touch you?”

“Because you’re a man. I’m not going to be some fucking queer!” he spat, loathing evident in ever syllable.

“You just let me fuck you, how would my trying to soothe your pain make you more queer?” I asked, starting to get defensive.

“You raped me, that’s it, you raped me. You’re a rapist, like all you faggots.”

“You begged me to take you. You begged to feel me inside of you. You moaned my name as you came, and then you begged for more, how does that make me a rapist?”

“You tricked me, you’re lying, I’m not queer I can’t be queer” he chants starting to rock back and forth on the bed.

The sheet had dropped form his hands revealing his soft, pale chest. Even in the midst of him calling me a rapist, and firm proclamations of his heterosexuality, I could not help admiring his pale and fragile beauty.

“Look, I’m not going to tell you if your queer of not, but can we at least drop the rape issue?” I beg trying for reason.

“No, you raped me,”

“I did not, you asked for me,”

“Why… oh god why… I tried to control my urges, I like girls, I have to…” he said starting to sob and still rocking.

“Why can’t you, there’s noting wrong with being gay,” I whispered, finally getting my arm around him and pulling his naked form to mine.

“Please… no… I have to… for Dad… he can’t have the shame… he can’t have a gay son… it would crush mom… she wants grandbabies so bad…” he said his sobs getting worse.

“But it’s your life, they can’t change who you are. So your queer, so what?” I whisper in to his soft hair.

He just continues to sob. I wispier to him, nothing in particular, just comforting nothings as we rocked and he sobbed himself to sleep.

rhapsody032590 @ 2008-06-15T23:33:00

2008-06-16T03:47:09Z

Ok so I just discovered the most amazing broadway show ever. Spring Awakening looks to be amazing. Today describes it as my generations RENT. I owe this all to heretic_leader posting pictures of the one boy kiss and it intriguing me. I just wish I wouldn't feel awkward going to see it with my Grandfather, hell i might say fuck it and go see it with him any way. It truly is my generations RENT, its our play that pushes the limits and says fuck you all we're here, you need to accept it and live with it. It pushes the limits of content as well as musical Genre with intense rock music. I mean they don't even want you auditioning with standard musical theater stuff.

Ok my actor-gasim is over, you may return to your regularly scheduled programing.

rhapsody032590 @ 2008-04-07T23:51:00

2008-04-08T04:07:08Z

OK David is pissed. I am seriously going to quit the show if this keeps up. I'm in such a state of emotional turmoil that its not funny, it pisses me off. If Cal yells at me or touches me again i will walk, I'll do exactly what my Dad says, I'll tell him he will never speak to me like that again and if he dose I'll lay my script down on the stage, grab my coat and leave to be picked up. Anything after that I'll see him in court for assault. Who knows, maybe the rest of the cast will follow, i don't know. i can hope though.

- Rhapsody

Streeming

2008-03-31T23:05:41Z

So after class today no one would talk to me and so I wrote a stream of conciseness thingy

I was hoping you were at home, but alas we were not to be together today. The beau is staying home tonight, you’re out with her, and I am left alone with dishes, dank skies and dreams; Lots of dreams, weird fan-boy dreams that leave me restless, dreams of hope for the future, simple dreams of not sitting on wet brick. Well at least I can people watch; there goes long blond haired girl with weary smile; annoying pudgy girl with her cell phone held so tight to her ear it must need to be surgically removed at night; weak looking, yet sweet smelling Edsel alumni boy with his varsity jacket, looking like the strong wind will blow him over. The confident redhead woman in green her taking her long elegant strides; The sure, cocky middle-eastern boys with all the hippest technology but the thousands of dollars of debt to pay for it; The African woman in her leaf-green jacket studded in sliver who gives me a genuine smile as she passes, I wonder were she’s going? The British woman who talks loudly with her companion, I wish I had her voice, cute boy in red shirt carrying portfolio and chatting with friend about the deep things in the world. All these people, all different, their paths crossing but never allowing them to intertwine for even a moment, all so caught up in their own lives. I too would have let these things go un-remarked if you had been at home, if the Beau had answered his phone. If you hadn’t all been too busy with your own lives for me, I too would have missed this, let my own life catch me and let the world rush by. Thank you for being to busy to talk to me, it let me take a moment and ponder life, paint pictures with words. I wonder what’s for diner?

I hope you all enjoy

HP com pat

2008-01-21T22:23:09Z

Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Luna Lovegood

You are Luna Lovegood. You daydream and often seem to be drifting off into your own world. You have very strong opinions that many agree are not logical. You place a lot of faith in these beliefs. Possibly, you see more than what meets the eye. You are very accepting of others. You may have only a few close friends because you refuse to sacrifice your opinions and true self for social graces.

Luna Lovegood

78%

Albus Dumbledore

75%

Hermione Granger

66%

Harry Potter

59%

Draco Malfoy

56%

Bellatrix Lestrange

50%

Oliver Wood

47%

Sirius Black

44%

Percy Weasley

38%

Neville Longbottom

34%

Ron Weasley

34%

Lord Voldemort

31%

Remus Lupin

31%

Severus Snape

19%

rhapsody032590 @ 2007-11-24T19:55:00

2007-11-25T01:18:29Z

This is a birthday presant i made for a friend of mine.

Title: Why Sirius Black Hates Mornings
Author:rhapsody032590
Ship: Harry/Draco
Word Count: 390
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Sirius black is not a morning person, this is why.
Authors note: Ok I know I’m taking great liberties with the cannon but it’s for the sake of humor.

Sirius Black had disliked mornings before Azkaban but since his incarceration his dislike had grown in to a full blown hatred. So despite how much he loved his godson he was rather pissed to find himself awoken at 5:30 by Harry flooing in.

“Hey Sirius, sorry ‘bout the hour, but Draco and I have something important to tell you

“God not Draco, I’d hoped he’d get rid of him by now” Sirius thought to himself but all he said was “Ok let me make some tea.”

With that Harry and Draco sat down at the kitchen table. Meanwhile Sirius went about the business of making tea. He lit the stove and boiled the kettle with out magic so as to draw out the process and avoid whatever this news may be. When the tea was done he brought out three mugs and said,

“Ok, this had better be good, flooing me at 5:30 in the morning.”

“Well… You know how Draco and I have been getting closer over the past year.” Harry started.

“Yes…” Sirius replied razing an eyebrow in suspension

“Well we wanted you to be the first to know… WE’RE GETTING MARRYED” Harry said excitedly showing his left ring finger which bore an impressive diamond ring.

Now Sirius was usually a model of decorum when it came to food and drink but he had unfortunately taken a large gulp of tea as Harry reveled the news and this news was indeed far to shocking for the enviable to be avoided. Sirius was so Shocked by the fact that his godson was not only marrying another man but the son of Lucius Malfoy; that he ended up spiting his tea all over both boys in what an unbiased observer might call one of the most spectacular spit takes in all of human history.

“Um… Pardon me” Sirius said quickly covering his mouth with a napkin and trying his best to pretend that nothing happened

“Thank you for you hospitably Mr. Black, but we must go and inform my parents of the happy news” Draco said quickly excusing himself and Harry from the table to go to the fireplace and floo out. The last thing that Sirius heard on the subject that morning was Draco uttering as he stepped in to the flames,

“He took that better then I expected.”

Happy Birthday Ryan !!!!

-David A.K.A Rhapsody of the Shadows.

rhapsody032590 @ 2007-10-07T16:06:00

2007-10-07T20:06:43Z

LJ Username:Rhapsody032590
Game Name/Gender:Srien/Female
Trainer ID#: 41701
Friendcode(s): Pearl: 4467 8434 3132
Do you want friends to trade with?: Yes
Do you want friends to battle with?: Yes
Do you have a GoPokeWiiDS.com profile? http://gopokewiids.com/user/srien_rhapsody/

rhapsody032590 @ 2007-10-04T14:39:00

2007-10-04T18:42:21Z

New poem

Title:Foolsh angel
Rateing: G

I’m lost,

Dazed and confused.

My head is spinning,

My flesh is burns were you’ve touched me.

I must be a fool

But then why would an angel like you be treading with me?

“Fools rush in were angels fear to tread”

Yet you’re the one rushing,

And I fear to tread.

You confuse me with your love

Dazzle me with your beauty.

You,

My foolish angel,

My doomed Icarus,

Fly me to the sun,

So we can burn together.

Oh my Icarus,

My Lucifer,

My foolish angel.

How long until we fall from grace.

I am dazed,

I am lost,

But I want to be lost with you.

I know were treading on foolish ground,

But I fear no ground,

But then I’m the fool.

So, why are you treading with me?

Oh my Icarus,

My Lucifer,

My foolish angel